I’ve spent the first month of 2024 trying to figure out what happened to 2023. It flew by and I didn’t accomplish a thing. And now I know why. Turns out I slept through more than four months of it.
So did you by the way. I read that those lucky folks who sleep eight hours a night spend 4.2 months a year sleeping. There are worse ways to spend 4.2 months. Actually, I probably only slept 3.2 months sleeping because I tossed and turned for at least one. Either way, there went a big chunk of 2023.
Then I spent almost three weeks eating. It’s true. The average person spends around 67 minutes a day eating which comes out to about 17 days per year. I figure I’m probably closer to 20 days since I’m a slow eater.
If you brush your teeth, and I hope you do, you spent 24 hours at it last year—not all at once. That wouldn’t be helpful. Twenty-four hours is based on brushing two minutes, two times every day. And I don’t mean to brag, but I brush three times a day. That and slow eating may go a long way toward explaining my lack of other accomplishments in 2023.
Along with brushing, the average person spends 30 minutes to an hour each morning grooming and getting dressed. There went two weeks of last year. And that’s one of the more persuasive arguments I’ve heard for working at home in your pajamas.
I do work at home and often in my pajamas but any time I saved was likely offset by another of my time wasters. And no, I’m not referring to looking up useless facts on the internet though I admit I did blow two days researching how much time the average person spends sleeping, eating and brushing their teeth.
My problem is that brushing my teeth isn’t the only activity I’m above average at. The average American spends around three full days every year waiting—waiting for the next available customer service representative, waiting for medical appointments, standing in security lines, waiting at stop lights and so on. Of course waiting at stoplights is a more efficient use of time than waiting for an accident investigator to arrive.
That estimate was based on a survey Timex did a few years back and I know for sure it’s far too low because I spent the entire month of June on hold.
On the other hand, they included waiting for a significant other to get ready to go out. And my husband is always ready to leave when I am. In fact, he’s usually been ready for quite some time.
The average American spends three hours per day watching television. I don’t watch much TV myself, but I make up the time by looking for misplaced items. In fact, one of the reasons I don’t watch TV often is because I can never find the remote.
While the average American spends just 2.5 days each year looking for lost items, I spent an entire week last year just looking for my car keys.
Total it up and there went half of 2023. And I know exactly what I was doing for the other half: Just standing around. Standing in the middle of this or that room wondering what I went in there for. Standing in various parking lots looking for my car. Standing in front of my open refrigerator looking for something to eat. And standing in front of the toothpaste—or detergent or shampoo—at the grocery store trying to decide between all 700 varieties.
I wasn’t able to find the research to back me up on that, but I did spend four whole days of the new year trying.
Dorothy Rosby is an author and humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications in the West and Midwest. You can subscribe to her blog at www.dorothyrosby.com or contact at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.